Fear Made Me Question Why God Created Me

I recently had a major realization.

My therapist asked me a mind-blowing question after I finished pouring out my heart.

 He said, “Would you say you're really afraid of how great you truly are?”

I was speechless for about a minute.

I couldn’t deny that what he asked had the potential to be the answer to most of what we had just discussed. As I sat back and really acknowledged the presence of that possibility, I found myself with less to say. Those words hit me with a light I didn’t know I needed. But that light allowed me to see myself clearly than ever. The truth is, I have a very real track record. The universe has always shown up and shown out for me, even when I didn’t realize a higher power was covering me. I’ve also seen what the Creator has done in the lives of those closest to me. It wasn't a matter of "if" it would happen. I had too much evidence to entertain it not being possible. I was afraid because I knew it would and I wasn't sure I could handle it. 

The real issue was that I held a quiet belief that I was not fully capable of being who God created me to be. Not just where He was calling me, but what that calling would actually mean for the reality of my life. It’s easy to daydream about what you would do when everything goes right. I live in the realm of imagination, and the advantage feels like it’s in your hands when you are the only author of the script. But I realized my need to control everything was quietly controlling how I wanted to walk in the purpose God had for me. My limited beliefs convinced me that my imagination was not real. It had to be a daydream or fairy tale. I realized my need to control everything was quietly trying to control even how I wanted to walk in the purpose God had for me.

Could you imagine being fully qualified yet never applying simply because YOU ruled yourself out? That was me. I was running from my own power, afraid of what might happen if I actually stepped into it. I didn’t want to turn on something I might later wish I could turn off if it proved to be “too much.” 

DO YOU KNOW how relieved I was to discover that I wasn’t crazy or wrong about my purpose… I had just never given myself permission to live it? I was the reason.

In that moment, I took a step back and laughed with my therapist.
Little did he know… he had just unleashed a beast.

And it made me wonder:

Is the real reason we play small or choose victimhood because we don’t truly know who we are?

And if that’s true…
then how do we change that?